Disoriented and full of cheese
Posted by waywalkeradmin
The last month of my life has been pretty much a hail storm of family events, medical scares, extreme decorating and baby milestones punctuated by migraines. Thusly it’s been a bit hard to take a breath, take stock and look back upon the last decade with any sort of critical or nostalgic airs. Especially in this last week off, where a head cold has robbed me of my sense during the one time of year where everyone is just a bit foggy, disoriented and wandering around full of cheese.
Still, in 2010 I was single, hadn’t even heard of Choice of Games publishing or Red Adept, had only just started the Tazu Saga, had an entirely different group of friends, didn’t know several of my current best friends, and OH MY GOD I didn’t have any of my cats. D:
Did have the doggo and three other cats, though.
In the last decade I’ve signed six book contracts, seen four of them published and two on the way, easily written over a million words, reconnected with a friend who became the love of my life, lost some friends, reconnected with some old ones, lost them, got married, made new friends, buried three cats and my dear doggo, buried too many family, a few friends– even an enemy. I’ve moved twice and helped sell my childhood home. I’ve lost and i’ve gained, i’ve bled and i’ve broken and i’ve risen again.
I’ve done the three things i’ve always wanted in my life and also, at one time, thought impossible: I’ve been published, I’ve found and wed the literal man of my dreams, and I’ve had a child.
And at least twice inside that long decade, I’ve literally wanted to end my life.
But I’ve learned that the depression voices lie to you, and sometimes you need the meds, and sometimes you just need to get away from the assholes. Discerning the difference is very important.
So, i suppose my advice amid this long ramble of cheese-laden musings is thus: fight. Keep crawling, keep fighting, hell, just keep breathing. I think all the time about what I would have missed, what achievements awaited right around the corner, past the darkness and the pain, what new treatments would help, what new truths would be uncovered that i’d have missed out on, had i not fought on. The only constant in this world is change, even if the only thing that does change, is you.
Chin up, and know i Walk the same roads as do us all.
PS- though some things do never change…..
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