I’m trying but i’m scared. And that’s OK

So i’m not going to beat around the bush much with this: for the moment my immediate family is healthy and safe. (we’ve lost some extended family members and i’m terrified for others but i don’t want to go into detail at this time) Financially, i’m limping along but there’s a real fear that my mother and I’s art business that has been built over the entirety of my lifetime will either be drastically reduced forever, or worse. I usually stick to talking about writing stuff here, but i teach art privately to kids and i love it. If i won the lottery tomorrow or sold a million copies of books i’d still do it. It’s a part of my soul, who i am, as much as anything else.

 

And though we’ve managed to move a good portion of our students to working with us online, i don’t know how long and sustainable this will be. We do an art show in May-June and summer camp in July-Aug every year– i don’t know what will happen to that.

 

And while i make a respectable amount of money with my books, at most that income pays the car insurance and the water bill– Art pays the mortgage.

 

And so, i’m scared. Working the same hours, making half the money and still trying to do everything else that is involved with a home and a nine-month old has delivered an undue stress level unto my poor, already traumatized brain. Unfortunately, a tired, stressed-out, and often terrified J. Leigh isn’t very conducive to writing. At least not well.

 

And that’s OKAY. It has to be, because i can’t manage otherwise.

 

I know i said I would give myself a year from August to finish WW:U3, but that’s just not going to happen. And that’s OKAY. I’m still poking at things, but my production is just too sporadic, too low. Maybe we’ll have the Halloween DLC. Maybe not. I just don’t know.

 

I’m scared. And i don’t know what’s going to happen. But that’s OKAY. Because i’m not alone in that. None of us know.

 

And that’s okay.

 

~ J. Leigh

Posted on April 7, 2020, in Author's Blog. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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